A Cynic's and a Romantic's Clashing Opinions on Love
Love at first sight Romantic: Oh! How wonderfully sweet to know instantly that you're the one for me! It's just like Romeo and Juliet or maybe Cinderella and Prince Charming! Cynic: You mean infatuation at first sight. There's no such thing as knowing instantly that you've found your one true love when you haven't even asked for their name yet. Flowers on Valentine's Day Romantic: Flowers are absolutely lovely and every girl loves them. What's more romantic than red roses waiting for you on your doorstep? Cynic: Dying flowers that won't last more than a week and a half? I'll pass. Carving your names into a tree Romantic: Our names will be there together forever! Cynic: You chislled out a hunk in a living tree to advertise to the world that we're together?! Remind me why I'm dating an Earth-killing lumberjack such as yourself. You might as well chop down an entire rainforest in South America and pretend call that a romantic act. Doodling hearts with your name all over a piece of paper Romantic: Aww! You're thinking of me! I'm always on your mind even when you're supposed to be paying attention to something else. Cynic: Oh god, here we go again with wasting perfectly clean sheets of paper with something as mundane and mindless as a dreamer's doodles. Buying chocolates for your loved one Romantic: I love chocolates! It's very SWEET of you to get them for me! Cynic: Let me guess. You just came back from Walmart where you ran by the Valentine's section of the store and picked up the cheapest box of sugary confection you could find. How thoughtful. Card giving Romantic: The message of this card is soo sweet! You must have taken so much care to pick out the right card for me. Cynic: This is just a form letter with the words "Happy Valentine's Day!" and your name signed on the inside of the card. How much effort did this really take? Giving stuffed teddy bears Romantic: Aww! How cute! I love it! Cynic: Remind me what I'm going to do with this because I fail to see its purpose. Breakfast in bed Romantic: How sweet of you! And you made it all for me! Cynic: What a way to endear yourself to me by insinuating I'm a bedridden invalid. Thank you. A sweet message left sent to you Romantic: It's so sweet that you took the time to A) think about me and B) compose the messagefor me knowing it would make me feel this bubbly inside! Cynic: And you couldn't tell me this face-to-face? A nice dinner out Romantic: You took me to my favorite restaurant, paid for my meal, and offered me part of your dish. How absolutely perfect! Cynic: Well...okay, you win this round.
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Nothing's worse than being diagnosed with case of bitterness or broken heart syndrome close to Valentine's Day. This lovey-dovey holiday burns like sulfuric acid in our veins and we want to lash out with anger or lock ourselves up in sorrow-filled solitude. I realized today that most of my posts musing on the topic of love were all leaning on the brighter romantic-ish side of February 14th. Don't think I'm trying to balance out the two sides of hater versus lover because I'm not. I have creative freedom to muse whatever I want! Muwahaha! Anyhow, back on topic--maybe it's a good idea to discuss the viewpoint of the heartbroken. In my time, I've read handfuls of heartbroken letters that have been written out but never sent to the person to whom they were addressed. Unsent letters, a string of tearful diary entries, two dozen midnight text messages venting to your closest friends, the ceremonial shredding or trashing of pictures, and the endless repeat of Evanescence's "My Immortal" on your iPod are just some of the various ways the heartbroken cope with their emotions. No matter what brave face you put on for your friends or family, heartbreak is never easy to deal with. We always hope for a clean break should love ever fall apart, but clean is never really how life operates. No matter the reasons for love falling apart, we always feel the absent of love when it has left our doorstep. We notice the void in our hearts and in our lives when it ceases to hold our bodies in its warm embrace. We sometimes sense the love that was once present in our veins has now chilled to icy bitterness. People are bitter for a reason, not because it's naturally coded into their DNA. Bitterness stems from pain and hurt that has gripped us hard. It's not easy to let go of that pain or heartbreak, and it's certainly not easy to throw your heart back out there to get it hurt again...but sometimes, we need for that bitterness to melt away so that we can move on. But how do you allow someone into your life after someone else has caused so much havoc? How do you keep yourself from going into that dark place again? How do you mend your heart after it has been stepped on and all your hope for love has been bitten off? I have no definite answer or solution. It's still a challenge I'm working through and a topic I will continue to muse about. If there is a magical solution to melt the hurt away and to open up our hearts fully again, I'd love to find it. For now, just keep moving forward. "You are loved." What a simple and caring message for a Valentine's Day card. This evening, my friend and I did our St. Valentine's good deed by making Valentine's Day cards for kids in the hospital. For "Valentines for Kids," you create simple Valentine's Day cards for kids who are in the hospital on Valentine's Day and send them in the mail. Late this afternoon, we went to the store to pick up some heart-shaped stickers and colorful construction paper and then headed back to the dorm to create our homemade Valentines. Listening to the music of Aaron Copland, Max Bruch, and Ralph Vaughan Williams and drinking a nice cup of steaming hot tea, my friend and I filled an envelope full of beautifully decorated Valentines. A wide variety of red, purple, and pink hearts cluttered our cards as we poured our creative and artistic abilities into such a small but hopefully powerful good deed. All of my cards contained the same generic message that could be used for any person no matter what age or gender. "Happy Valentine's Day! You are loved." It's such a simple message, but somehow, I feel it can mean so much to anyone. "You are loved." Everyone wants to be cared for. Everyone wants to know that they are loved. Write someone a Valentine's Day card. It doesn't have to be romantic or sappy or overly sentimental. It just has to be from the heart and let them know that you care. Part four! I've said this before, and I'll say it again: check out my earlier posts (aka. part one, two, and three) if you haven't already done so! A little more than a year ago, I wrote a lovely piece of creative writing for my English class titled "Letter to a Future Boyfriend." Out of all of the compositions I've published on the website Teen Ink, "Letter to a Future Boyfriend" is the most popular and viewed work that I've submitted. This strangely witty letter outlining specific requirements for a future love was written out of pure curiosity to see what I could concoct for my creative writing assignment. "Letter to a Future Boyfriend" was created out of what twisted humor I had at the time, but every now and then throughout the purely fictional composition, I glimpse snippets of my own personal thoughts from back then. I look back over the piece now and see how the words half-way mimic the words I'd say now if you asked me what I wanted in a future boyfriend. In other parts, the words are strangely reminiscent of a former me. Somehow rereading my written words, I can spot the many ways my perspective and my heart has changed since I penned that work. These days, people who I haven't seen in a while come up to me. Oddly, every person asks me the same three questions: 1) How's college going? 2) Are you loving it? 3) Have you found the special guy in your life yet? I honestly have no idea why this third question is the most frequently brought up, and it occurs right after I talk about my infinitely long list of accomplishments. Is it because I'm in college people assume that I'll find love with a snap of my fingers or a twitch of my nose? My answer: No, not yet. Single still. "Aww...well, you'll find someone soon. You're smart, you're talented--why wouldn't anyone want you as their girlfriend?" There's one flaw with this logic: No one looks at your résumé before they decide to date you. Point made. If I was to add anything new to my "Letter to a Future Boyfriend," I'd have to say that guys need to start looking within and stop focusing on superficial aspects. It may sound silly to say this, but I desire for someone to tell me that I am beautiful inside and out. How about a flattering compliment about my intelligence or my talents? Or how about someone telling me that I have a beautiful heart and soul? How nice would that be? Too often people are written off just because of appearances. The appearance of always studying in the library rather than hanging out with friends on a Friday night. The appearance of preferring a pair of comfy three year old tennis shoes to impossible to walk in three inch heels. The appearance of being terribly bitter when you're just talking. Sometimes I wish that people would look within and see what beauty lies within the soul if you only get to know the person a little better. For now, I'll keep waiting. Love may not come any time soon, but I can keep an open heart to any reply from a future boyfriend If you haven't already checked out part one and two of my weekly musings on love, go ahead and give it a read. Finding love in three steps (note: I didn't say "easy steps.") Step One: Pick a target or hope that you become the target. Talk to people and see if anyone around you strikes your fancy. Keep an open heart to anyone you meet. Don't judge a book by its cover and don't write a person off as an idiotic jerk until you have actually spoken to them first. Step Two: See if your target is worth it. Hang out with said person and strike up some conversation. Compare interests. Figure out if their personality appeals to you. Good questions to ask yourself: Do we share anything in common at all and can we connect on a similar wavelengths? Can you sustain a conversation with whomever for longer than ten minutes? If no is your answer, then you've certainly run into a brick wall. Can you see yourself with this person? Step Three: Weasel your way into their life and see if that person is interested at all. This is probably trickiest step out of the whole search. To finagle your way into somebody else's life, you need to know enough about him or her to make wise actions. Example: Giving someone a vase full of roses for Valentine's Day is an excellent idea especially if you already know that that person loves flowers. Giving someone a box full of chocolates that that person is highly allergic to is not such a well-thought out idea. I cannot stress to you how important it is to take the chance to learn more about your target before you act. Listen to them talk and don't just zone out. Listening to someone's news of the day or rants about the world gives you tons of clues. Don't go to the extreme of stalking, but do pay attention to subtle details and do find a way to weasel your way into their life. With Valentine's Day less than a month away, maybe it's about time to muse a little about this lovey-dovey commercial holiday. There's really no better time to dwell on love, infatuation, and the meaningful relationships in our lives. Perhaps for the next coming weeks up until Valentine's Day, I'll share some of my thoughts on love. From here until the fourteen of February, you, dear reader, and I can be sentimental, cynical, serious, sorta delirious, love-sickened, and maybe even successful in our search for love. February 14th, Valentine's Day--what other day tends to make single men and women feel more awkward than that one holiday? Okay, maybe the one exception is New Year's when all the couples in the room are busy sucking face, but that's not my point. On Valentine's Day, all the lovely couples are celebrating, reminiscing, and lavishing their time and money on their significant others while all the single people sigh and awkwardly wait for the day to die. There are five categories of people to note on Valentine's Day: 1) Lovely dovey couples who are incandescently happy together--The relationship or engagement or marriage is holding up beautifully and the appropriate Valentine's Day gifts have been bestowed upon one another and the world is a beautiful place on this harmonious day. Beautiful. 2) Heartbroken souls who haven't quite healed yet from their last duel with love--You might find these people mopily listening to pathetically depressing music all day and night long. The romantic day is salt in an open wound for them. 3) Upset girlfriends who quietly complain to themselves and their friends that their boyfriend either bungled the day with a stupid gift or forgot about the day entirely--Girls will know what day it is, but guys, on the other hand, could just care less. The clashing of opinion could certainly yield to some enchanting passive aggressive behavior from some girls. Beware and proceed with caution around this unique species. 4) Bitter folks who will mock the notion of love and chivalry and the gifting of roses that will die within two weeks--Cynical is what they are, but there's probably a good reason why. 5) The dreamers and the desperate--The day (and the days leading up to it) are filled with sappy tweets and statuses screaming to the world how desperate they are to find love. They dream and sigh the day away waiting for love to magically come riding up to their doorstep. Some will accept the first offer they can find just so they aren't lonely on this lovey-dovey holiday. Valentine's Day is always met with mixed emotions from the public ranging from strong approval to pure disgust, but dear reader, I believe there is one important thought we all should hold with us as we advance towards Feb. 14th: The holiday celebrating romantic true love has always targeted couples obviously, but I wonder what if instead it targeted everyone else (the heartbroken, the bitter, and the dreamers). What if the message to convey on this day was "Open your heart to love"? What if we willingly opened our hearts to allow room for love? How much happier might we be then if we allowed for this change to embrace us? So...my first piece of advice in the search to find love: Don't ever close yourself off from love. May love melt away our bitterness like warm sunlight dissolving the last frost of winter. May the hurt and the broken souls in this world find peace and compassion. May the dreamers take the leap of faith and finally set out from their hobbit hole in search of the love they've been hoping and dreaming for. As many of you already know, I recently completed my NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month) challenge of writing a 50,000 word novel in 30 days...actually for me, it was less than 30 days. Hmm...let me start from the beginning. Coming into the month of November, I was quite disappointed to realize that college coursework was what stood between me and penning a 50,000 word novel. Quite frankly, I didn't think that it would be possible at all to balance a novel and the life of an already chaotically busy music major! November 1st came and it was quite upsetting to think that I could have started a novel, but I hadn't. I was going to take another year off from noveling and writing. In 2009 and 2010, I had successfully completed the writing challenge, but that was high school when the workload wasn't nearly as high as it is currently in college. Writing a novel is like taking care of a baby. Always needs to be attended to, takes so much out of you, requires so much planning and so forth. Writing 50,000 words in one month seemed impossible at that time. November 1st...November 2nd...November 3rd...people began bombarding me with the question "Are you novel writing this year?" My answer: A 50,000 word novel isn't a realistic goal I could reach this year, so I'm sitting this year out. It bothered me to admit defeat without even having at it, but it just seemed impossible with all of the things that needed to be accomplished in the month of November. Some people were uncomfortable with the fact that I was already giving up without even attempting the challenge. These people kept pushing me further and further to go ahead and try it anyhow even if I only totaled 26,997 words by the end of the thirty days. They pushed me and pushed me, and it's these people I have to thank for actually getting me to actually do NaNoWriMo this year. It was late at night on November 4th that I was finally pushed over the edge to write a 50,000 novel. I was going to write a novel...but about what? Plot? Characters? Title? A little before midnight my roommate was rattling off names of her Facebook friends to help me figure out a name for my main character. That night I was writing on the fly racking up as many words as I could. Almost 8,000 words behind at that point going into November 5th, I knew I would spend most of the month of November playing catchup to regain those valuable writing days I had missed. What challenges did I face in the process of writing a 50,000 word novel? 1) I started 4 days late and about 8,000 words behind the average number of words I should have had. Obvious problem, huh? 2) Lack of time. Need to attend class, do homework, study, practice my instrument, eat, bathe, go to work...who needs to sleep when you can write a novel? 3) Getting into the writing mode. Sometimes I needed music in the background. Sometimes I couldn't stand the sound of Bernstein in my head as I'm trying to delicate scene in my novel. Sometimes, I needed complete silence, but well, that didn't happen. Sometimes, I tried eating and typing at the same time...that didn't work too well. I tried noveling after two hours of hardcore practicing, but my fingers ached. Every day was a different method to get into the writing mode. 4) Work, work, work...oh, and then you can write a novel. In the month of November, I had three papers to write, one music technology project due, four tests (one of them being a final exam), and nine performances (a few of them involving me playing the violin). Oh, and I was also balancing all of that plus four jobs. Tough, huh? 5) The emotional aspect of it all. Stress and emotions don't mix very well. This month wasn't easy at all. It was miserably difficult and there were days that I did want to drop the novel entirely because I didn't think I could do it or I thought my novel idea was stupid. Sometimes, I had no direction of where to go with my novel and I just put it down for a day or two. In the final week of November, here began my late night writing sessions (primarily working until two in the morning or until I had enough words to make me happy for the moment). My fingers ached, my eyes were completely bloodshot, I looked like a trainwreck, and I was tired. The end of the month was certainly harder than the beginning. Writing novel wasn't easy, but it was rewarding once I had the finished product. I finished my 50,012th word exactly four minutes before midnight, just in time for me to say that I officially wrote a 50K novel in the month of Novemeber. People always ask me "What do you get from this?" My answer: bragging rights and a 50,000 word novel that you wrote. That's enough for me. Maybe sometime, I go back and begin the editing process and also finish up writing the tail-end of my novel. For now, I'm going to take a slight break from the nonstop novel writing sessions that sometimes went until even three o'clock in the morning. So you guys have an idea of my next writing project, I'm going to submit a query letter with several of poems to a publishing company by the end of this month; with any luck, I could potentially have a book of my own poetry published. Maybe this will happen, maybe this won't. Doesn't hurt to try, right? Until December 12th (aka. the day I finish up finals), I'll be incommunicado for the most part. Two finals this week along with my flute jury and three finals next week. Four Christmas presentations for which I'll be playing violin...not flute. Now that I've gotten all of the music for the production, it's time to cram and learn it all before the presentations in less than a week. Wish me luck. Dear world,
I am once again (for the third year so far) embarking on the wonderful journey of National Novel Writing Month (NaNoWriMo). It was only a few days ago, I decided to jump on the bandwagon (four days late, I may add), but I am officially doing it and charting my word count. What's my goal? Write a 50,000 word novel in 30 days (aka. the month of November). Every day until the end of November I'll be playing catch-up trying to make up the four days that I missed. Quite honestly, I hadn't intended on doing NaNoWriMo this year considering that it seemed impossible to balance college work and novel writing, but this year, I'm seeking to conquer the seemingly impossible by balancing out the life of a music major, the life of a novelist, and the life of a Furman student. Wish me luck, wisdom, and plenty of pep talks to help get me through this literary endeavor. I'll be charting my word count progress throughout the entire month, so feel free to cheer me on through to the 50 K finish line! Sincerely, The College Novelist P.S. 6,031 Words thus far After an entire month of being buried under mounds of Furman work, I came to the interesting realization that I haven't blogged lately on my personal blogsite. I've been tending to my weekly blog posts for Furman's freshman blogger website, but I realized that I haven't written anything recently on my own blogsite. So here we go! Busy busy busy is the life of a music major. Rehearsal, homework, practice, eat, practice some more, class, practice, sleep, and then repeat! Some days I feel like I'm the White Rabbit from Lewis Carroll's book Alice's Adventures in Wonderland who is constantly saying, "Oh dear! Oh dear! I shall be too late!" Take for instance my interesting schedule yesterday. It consisted of two hours of class, an hour of studying, FIVE STRAIGHT HOURS WORKING ON SPANISH HOMEWORK, and three hours of practicing. One thing I might add is that I decided to do my practicing at 9 at night and I kept going until midnight. Maybe I did that because I like how the practice rooms are less crowded at night. Maybe I did that because I felt like being a responsible music major and practice a decent amount for the day. Maybe I did that because I had a wild burst of energy last night and decided "Who should want to sleep when you can be on a practicing binge??" Perhaps, I was unaware of the "I feel like I've been hit by a truck and I just want to crawl back into bed" feeling that I would be struck with this morning when my watch alarm went off. Some days, you just have that overwhelming feeling of nfeioioiouugjnfjdklurijbhbf. You know? You're tired because you got maybe five hours of sleep last night...and that's the third time you've done that this week. Laundry needs to be done--IMMEDIATELY. You're lacking an acceptable social life because you're either A) in the practice room B) in your dorm room doing homework or C) in the Dining Hall eating with a book in your lap. You're stressed out because you don't know how you're going to manage your workload and you've got to read a Spanish novel and there's that project in aural that you've put off for so long and how about those 150 page readings you have to do for your First Year Seminar Class and you know you really really really need to practice because duh--you're a music major! Some days you feel like you're going to spontaneously combust and splatter brain goo from one end of the room to the other. Some days, life seems tricky and complicated. Things don't line up and work out as planned and you're frustrated with how things are playing out. At times, it's miserably hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel and see how you're going to make it through this crazy mess called "life." There are days that you don't feel like much of anything at all and you just want to give up on everything and have a massive pity party for yourself. It isn't easy, but we can work through it if we try hard enough. When I first came to Furman, I brought a medium sized bulletin board to decorate with anything I so pleased. After much thought, I titled my board "Smultronställe." Smultronställe is a Swedish word that translates to "wild strawberry place," but really, it means so much more than its literal definition. A wild strawberry place is an idyllic place in the world--it's the most special place there is. A smultronställe is any place that's absolutely private and special and your own. It's a place where life is an epiphany to you. I'll leave you, reader, in wonder as to what my smultronställes are, but I can tell you that my board is filled with pictures of my wild strawberry places and whenever I feel down, I can simply return to them in spirit. I encourage for everyone to find their wild strawberry places in the world and hold them dear to their hearts. What place in the world is better than your smultronställe? As part of the insane preparation for my Furman life, my mom and I have established two things: 1) I'm going to need my bike to Furman to navigate around campus. 2) In order to make #1 happen, I'm going to have to remember how to ride a bike. Listen carefully. I'm not saying that I can't ride a bike because once upon a time I could. Instead, I'm saying that once upon a time I rode my bike all the time and then I took a short break of about four years from bike riding and then I was gifted with a new bike that leads me to another story of once upon a time I relearned how to ride a bike in a matter of two days and on the third day I had a most beautiful and horrendous bike accident and since then my bike and I haven't really seen each other eye to eye if you know what I mean. "I'm going to conquer this hill," I keep telling myself. Metaphorically and literally. The last time I rode my bike was the summer after freshman year when a close friend of mine asked me to go with her on a bike ride. I relearned the basics by circling back and forth around in my driveway, but I now see that I was nowhere close to going on a "real bike ride." Believe me when I say that I've learned my lesson about taking things slowly and in moderation. From that one bike accident, I learned some great lessons: 1) Don't expect to be an expert on something especially if you've spent only three days relearning basics. 2) Don't try to conquer a massive hill--scratch that--don't try to go down a particularly steep hill if you haven't mastered the concept of braking yet. 3) Certainly don't go down that massive hill in your neighborhood that has been dubbed "suicide hill." Bad things will follow. 4) When you go down "said" hill, avoid panicking when you start dangerously accelerating toward an intersection with an oncoming car speeding ahead to meet you. 5) Brakes are certainly better tools used to stop than suddenly steering your handlebars so that your front tire is perpendicular to the direction you are still accelerating. 6) Newton's Laws of Motion aren't very courteous to people who go flying over the handlebars of their bike and grate a good portion of their elbow on the pavement smack dab, right into the middle of the intersection. 7) Moderation. Moderation. Moderation. You can't rush the learning process. This time, I'll conquer that hill. I'm hopelessly optimistic that I can relearn how to ride a bike before I get to Furman. I may crash a few times before I get it right, but I'll pick myself back up and I'll keep moving forward. |
AuthorKendall Driscoll is an accomplished writer/ musician/ artist/ academic scholar. Archives
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